Good evening ladies, gentlemen, grandparents, friends, countrymen and loyal readers. I can hardly believe an entire year has passed since my first State of the Nursery address!
Ms. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress, distinguished guests, fellow citizens: As we gather tonight, my nursery is in disarray, my economy is in recession, and the civilized world faces unprecedented dangers. Yet the state of my Nursery has never been stronger.
Healthcare
I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I will be poked, prodded, weighed and measured, all while wearing nothing but a paper blanket. These doctors still insist on giving me shots, but Mama says they will keep me healthy and help me grow big and strong. I have had about a million of these shots and I'm still the littlest 15-month old boy I know. I think Mama has been pulling my leg. I just keep praying for Daddy's insurance card to be revoked so I don't have to go anymore.
Domestic Policy
Mama and Daddy took the closet doors off of one of my closets so I could have some extra floor space for all my toys. Even so, I still have stuff all over the place. Mama has baskets of toys in just about every room in the house! I have figured out how to get the toys out of the baskets, but Mama will be happy when I start to put the toys back in.
Daddy is working on teaching me a few things - feeding myself, dunking a basketball and scooping the litter box. Okay, I'm not learning to scoop the litter box, but Daddy will be glad when I do. The self-feeding is sporadic at best, but I am the best basketball dunker in the nursery.
The Economy
Well, I did get a piggy bank from my Papa Tousey. It's not so much a pig as a safe, but it has a cool turny knobby thing. I have been putting all my quarters in there, but I still don't have enough saved to buy my own private supply of graham crackers and marshmallows. I never get enough marshmallows.
The War on Terror
For a while the war was going in our favor. The Diaper Genie was working well and the smell was contained. But the Genie can put a strain on an already tight budget, so Daddy and Mama decided to switch to the Diaper Champ. This is when the war turned. The Champ failed, and Mama and Daddy were daily accosted with smells that would put anyone out of commission. The switch from liquids to solids did not help our fight. Daddy decided to take command of the situation and he fired the Champ. They have since switched to a new policy where they just throw the diapers in the kitchen trash right away. This helps most of the time, although there are occasional sneak attacks, like the October Surprise and couch side diaper explosions.
The Evil Dictator
The short, fat psychopath is still alive and in power. Yes, Kitty Pants is still waddling her way around the house. Daddy did implement a containment policy and KP only has access to
North House now. We have had some territory disputes with her, but overall we are maintaining a sort of diplomatic relationship with her.
The New Congress
I guess I don't know what all the fuss is about - we have always had a female Speaker of the House here. Daddy says she is a great Madame Speaker since she always remembers who the Commander in Chief is.
In closing, I would like to again thank all of my loyal readers. You all keep the Nursery a great place to live and play. I would like to thank my great-grandparents for their love and financial support. I would especially like to thank my Papa Tousey for providing the musical entertainment and my Papa High for providing my transportation. Also special
thanks to Nana Tousey and Granny High, who really outfit the Nursery and me. Thanks to Dad for teaching me sweet wrestling and dance moves, and to Mama who keeps my little belly full of good food. Thanks to all my aunts and uncles for your love and support. Finally, thanks to Mrs. Miriam who has helped Mama run the campaign this year. She has suffered her share of couch side bombs. I am looking forward to the year ahead as we continue to work together to make this a better world.
The state of the Nursery is good. God bless America.
Ms. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress, distinguished guests, fellow citizens: As we gather tonight, my nursery is in disarray, my economy is in recession, and the civilized world faces unprecedented dangers. Yet the state of my Nursery has never been stronger.
Healthcare
I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I will be poked, prodded, weighed and measured, all while wearing nothing but a paper blanket. These doctors still insist on giving me shots, but Mama says they will keep me healthy and help me grow big and strong. I have had about a million of these shots and I'm still the littlest 15-month old boy I know. I think Mama has been pulling my leg. I just keep praying for Daddy's insurance card to be revoked so I don't have to go anymore.
Domestic Policy
Mama and Daddy took the closet doors off of one of my closets so I could have some extra floor space for all my toys. Even so, I still have stuff all over the place. Mama has baskets of toys in just about every room in the house! I have figured out how to get the toys out of the baskets, but Mama will be happy when I start to put the toys back in.
Daddy is working on teaching me a few things - feeding myself, dunking a basketball and scooping the litter box. Okay, I'm not learning to scoop the litter box, but Daddy will be glad when I do. The self-feeding is sporadic at best, but I am the best basketball dunker in the nursery.
The Economy
Well, I did get a piggy bank from my Papa Tousey. It's not so much a pig as a safe, but it has a cool turny knobby thing. I have been putting all my quarters in there, but I still don't have enough saved to buy my own private supply of graham crackers and marshmallows. I never get enough marshmallows.
The War on Terror
For a while the war was going in our favor. The Diaper Genie was working well and the smell was contained. But the Genie can put a strain on an already tight budget, so Daddy and Mama decided to switch to the Diaper Champ. This is when the war turned. The Champ failed, and Mama and Daddy were daily accosted with smells that would put anyone out of commission. The switch from liquids to solids did not help our fight. Daddy decided to take command of the situation and he fired the Champ. They have since switched to a new policy where they just throw the diapers in the kitchen trash right away. This helps most of the time, although there are occasional sneak attacks, like the October Surprise and couch side diaper explosions.
The Evil Dictator
The short, fat psychopath is still alive and in power. Yes, Kitty Pants is still waddling her way around the house. Daddy did implement a containment policy and KP only has access to
North House now. We have had some territory disputes with her, but overall we are maintaining a sort of diplomatic relationship with her.
The New Congress
I guess I don't know what all the fuss is about - we have always had a female Speaker of the House here. Daddy says she is a great Madame Speaker since she always remembers who the Commander in Chief is.
In closing, I would like to again thank all of my loyal readers. You all keep the Nursery a great place to live and play. I would like to thank my great-grandparents for their love and financial support. I would especially like to thank my Papa Tousey for providing the musical entertainment and my Papa High for providing my transportation. Also special
thanks to Nana Tousey and Granny High, who really outfit the Nursery and me. Thanks to Dad for teaching me sweet wrestling and dance moves, and to Mama who keeps my little belly full of good food. Thanks to all my aunts and uncles for your love and support. Finally, thanks to Mrs. Miriam who has helped Mama run the campaign this year. She has suffered her share of couch side bombs. I am looking forward to the year ahead as we continue to work together to make this a better world.
The state of the Nursery is good. God bless America.
(Suit courtesy of GG; photos courtesy of Mama.)
4 comments:
And God bless Sam!
We love you Mr. President and Executive Staff.
Granny & Papa
You will get our vote any time and if you could run in the next election I know the world would just keep getting better! We love you Mr. President and your staff!
Love,
Nana & Papa
Well Mr Sam,
Sounds like you have the right staff for the state of the nursery, now if you could just do something about the state of the world maybe if we hold on for about 30 something years you can help put us on the right track. I'm willing too wait because it's so much fun watching the day to day activity in the nursery. Don't grow up too fast we love you just the way you are.
Love,
Great Aunt Linda
Hi Sam...I mean Mr. President,
You are undoubtley the youngest and cutest President I have ever seen! I will support you financially as long as those social security checks keep coming (ask your Mama the meaning of this statement).
You keek getting sweeter and more lovable each day.
Hope to see you soon,
Love , GG
Post a Comment