State of the Nursery III

Good evening ladies, gentlemen, grandparents, friends, countrymen and loyal readers. I can hardly believe an entire year has passed since my second State of the Nursery address!

Madame Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress, distinguished guests, fellow citizens: As we gather tonight, my nursery is undergoing some changes, my economy is on the upswing, and I am facing the possibility of a new nursery leader . Yet the state of my Nursery has never been stronger.

The Economy

As you know, I acquired a bank from my Papa Tousey last year. The bank has remained full of coins, lots of them silver dollars. Some of the coins came from Papa, but a lot of them I found laying around in the bottom of Mama's purses. I am also working on a plan to levy taxes for kisses and hugs.

Healthcare

I had a nasty two-week virus a few months back, but my doctors took excellent care of me. Otherwise, I have been healthy as a horse, and about the size of a Shetland Pony. Also, I recently had my first chiropractic adjustment, and I am no longer subluxated.

The Housing Market

It wasn't a good year for the housing market here. We took the house off the market before my birthday, and we are still trying to figure out what to do. Daddy will be talking to some contractors this week to see what can be done with our bonus room. I love my house, but I know Mama and Daddy would like a little more room.

Transportation

The nursery acquired some new railroads this year. I have appointed Thomas the Tank Engine as my Secretary of Transportation, and Percy as the Undersecretary.

Immigration

I hear tell that my Aunt Steph and Uncle Ken will be moving to the Old North State this summer. I'm excited about that. What I am concerned about is the possibility of my Uncle Ken smuggling an illegal stray across the border. I too have compassion for cats who are looking for better food in a different place, but allowing this cat to stay is creating a burden on the named, vaccinated and fixed pets already in the house. I am submitting a bill that will require all felines to have proper documentation before entering the nursery.

No Child Left Behind

I can say sentences with six words. Six words! Like, "I throw rocks in the lake." I can also do two-word ones. My favorite is "No, Mommy!" I can read books and I can name about a zillion colors. I can also count to 13.

Nursery Changes

This will be my final State of the Nursery address. Mostly because I am getting a big boy bed soon, and once the crib is gone we can't really call my room a nursery anymore. So next year will be more of a State of the Playroom address. But then again, maybe you will get a Nursery address, from someone else. As you know, it is an election year, and for the first time in my life I have some competition. Come July, there will be a new Tousey who is looking to be in charge of the place. I have to let Democracy run its course, but I don't have to be happy about it.

In closing, I would like to say thank you to all who have supported me for the past two-plus years. I would like to give a special thanks to Daddy and to Mama who let me be me. I would also like to thank my Papa and Granny High and Papa and Nana Tousey for their unending love. Just remember who was your first grandbaby when that new baby comes! (Did I type that out loud?) Anywho, thanks and love also to my aunts, uncles, great-grandparents and extended family. I love you all more than you know. The state of the nursery is good. God bless America.

State of the Nursery II

Good evening ladies, gentlemen, grandparents, friends, countrymen and loyal readers. I can hardly believe an entire year has passed since my first State of the Nursery address!

Ms. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress, distinguished guests, fellow citizens: As we gather tonight, my nursery is in disarray, my economy is in recession, and the civilized world faces unprecedented dangers. Yet the state of my Nursery has never been stronger.

Healthcare
I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I will be poked, prodded, weighed and measured, all while wearing nothing but a paper blanket. These doctors still insist on giving me shots, but Mama says they will keep me healthy and help me grow big and strong. I have had about a million of these shots and I'm still the littlest 15-month old boy I know. I think Mama has been pulling my leg. I just keep praying for Daddy's insurance card to be revoked so I don't have to go anymore.

Domestic Policy
Mama and Daddy took the closet doors off of one of my closets so I could have some extra floor space for all my toys. Even so, I still have stuff all over the place. Mama has baskets of toys in just about every room in the house! I have figured out how to get the toys out of the baskets, but Mama will be happy when I start to put the toys back in.
Daddy is working on teaching me a few things - feeding myself, dunking a basketball and scooping the litter box. Okay, I'm not learning to scoop the litter box, but Daddy will be glad when I do. The self-feeding is sporadic at best, but I am the best basketball dunker in the nursery.

The Economy
Well, I did get a piggy bank from my Papa Tousey. It's not so much a pig as a safe, but it has a cool turny knobby thing. I have been putting all my quarters in there, but I still don't have enough saved to buy my own private supply of graham crackers and marshmallows. I never get enough marshmallows.

The War on Terror
For a while the war was going in our favor. The Diaper Genie was working well and the smell was contained. But the Genie can put a strain on an already tight budget, so Daddy and Mama decided to switch to the Diaper Champ. This is when the war turned. The Champ failed, and Mama and Daddy were daily accosted with smells that would put anyone out of commission. The switch from liquids to solids did not help our fight. Daddy decided to take command of the situation and he fired the Champ. They have since switched to a new policy where they just throw the diapers in the kitchen trash right away. This helps most of the time, although there are occasional sneak attacks, like the October Surprise and couch side diaper explosions.

The Evil Dictator
The short, fat psychopath is still alive and in power. Yes, Kitty Pants is still waddling her way around the house. Daddy did implement a containment policy and KP only has access to
North House now. We have had some territory disputes with her, but overall we are maintaining a sort of diplomatic relationship with her.

The New Congress
I guess I don't know what all the fuss is about - we have always had a female Speaker of the House here. Daddy says she is a great Madame Speaker since she always remembers who the Commander in Chief is.

In closing, I would like to again thank all of my loyal readers. You all keep the Nursery a great place to live and play. I would like to thank my great-grandparents for their love and financial support. I would especially like to thank my Papa Tousey for providing the musical entertainment and my Papa High for providing my transportation. Also special
thanks to Nana Tousey and Granny High, who really outfit the Nursery and me. Thanks to Dad for teaching me sweet wrestling and dance moves, and to Mama who keeps my little belly full of good food. Thanks to all my aunts and uncles for your love and support. Finally, thanks to Mrs. Miriam who has helped Mama run the campaign this year. She has suffered her share of couch side bombs. I am looking forward to the year ahead as we continue to work together to make this a better world.

The state of the Nursery is good. God bless America.

(Suit courtesy of GG; photos courtesy of Mama.)

State of the Nursery

Mama tells me that I have been around for a hundred days now. I have to say that these have been the best 100 days of my life. In celebration, I would like to give my first ever “Sate of the Nursery” address.

Healthcare
Well, I have been to the doctor quite a few times in my life. I also had a brief stay in the local hospital. The nurses there were super, and that doctor was real nice to remove the umbilical cord from around my neck. I have had six shots, one heel prick and one very delicate procedure that I won’t discuss here. I’ve had one cold that seems to be gone. Unfortunately the cold gave Mama and Daddy the feeling that they needed to put things in my nose. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.

The Economy
I still don’t have a piggy bank. (And no, Granny, that big ol’ cat don’t count!) I don’t even get an allowance. Can you believe it? But my Papa Tousey does pull quarters out of my ear whenever I see him. Thanks Papa!

The Evil Dictator
Her name is Kitty Pants. She sleeps on the good couch and chews electrical cords. She eats all the time, takes several naps a day, and Daddy has to clean up her poop. (We have a lot in common.) I am looking forward to practicing some diplomacy with Kitty Pants once I can get around on my own. I’m sure she is excited about that, too.

Domestic Wiretapping
I can’t say a lot about this right now, as Mama could be watching me and I don’t even know it! Let’s just say that I know Mama and Daddy are involved in warrantless wiretapping in my room with the help of a surveillance company by the name of “Fisher Price.” I don’t know if this is legal or not, so as soon as I learn how to use the phone I will be contacting my congresswoman.

In closing, I would like to say thank you to all who have supported me in these first hundred days. I have enjoyed meeting all my adoring fans, especially the ones I am related to. I don’t think a guy could ask for a better family! (Or a better looking family for that matter! Ha!) I would like to give a special thanks to Daddy, who finances all my campaigns without a lot of questions, and to Mama, the best speech writer a baby could ask for.
The state of the nursery is good. God bless America.